Giving Myself Grace

When I started blogging my goal was to post at least once a week. I achieved my goal, until last week. It has now been two weeks since my last post. In my suffocated-by-perfectionism state I would have berated myself for my failure. I would have gone on a flogging tirade with comments like “What were you thinking starting a blog? You’re not going to stay with this. Besides, hardly anyone reads it, why bother. You aren’t good at writing. You should quit.” I “would have” said those things to myself but I didn’t, still haven’t.

I recognize that I didn’t make my goal but it is simply a realization of the truth, “Yup, I didn’t make the goal.”  I am aware of the reasons why. Two weeks ago I started taking a class, one semester of a master’s level Child Psychology course condensed into 6 weeks. To say that I’m overwhelmed is an understatement. I am under the pressure of textbook and journal reading as well as numerous research paper deadlines. I understand the reality of my situation. I know that I have not blogged because blogging has not been a priority for me lately. I work at my private practice and have a family. I found it difficult to make the time to blog without the class. These are not excuses. They are reality.  Looking at my life and understanding why things are the way they are right now gives me a realistic perspective. When I expect myself to run seamlessly through life, I am looking through a distorted lens. It’s the lens of perfectionism. Perfectionism, at least for me, does not embrace reality it sees “shoulds” with no room for my limited humanity.

I’m disappointed that I didn’t achieve my goal and I understand why. I’m giving myself grace to let go of the goal, at least for now. I have three more classes to take after Child Psychology so it might not be until after December that I get back to my weekly blogging goal. That’s OK with me, for now. I was given the opportunity by my alma mater to take four classes for free. They increased the degree requirements for the Master’s in Counseling program and I get to reap the benefits of more education. The cost is some sleep, free time, and blogging. I’m willing to pay that price, at least for now.