Posts Tagged With: addictions


valentines-day_110001316-012814-intSelf-love is critical if we want to enjoy this life and relationships. Some wonder if self-love is selfish, “Is it really ok to put myself first? Won’t people who need me get mad about that and tell me I’m being self-centered?” Yes and yes. In order for us to be able to authentically love others and truly be there for and with them, we must have that love for ourselves. We can’t give what we do not have. Not everyone will appreciate your self-love. Some will challenge you if you say no to them so you can take care of yourself, especially if people are used to you saying yes all the time. When we say yes to someone or something, we are saying no to someone or something else. If the no has been for yourself, then the switch to yes for yourself is going to feel strange and wrong. The people you were always saying yes to will tell you that you are wrong. That dynamic will mess with you and your journey toward self-love.

How do you navigate this journey toward self-love? Start by being aware of your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations in your body. Just notice yourself. Notice what you like and what you don’t like. When you are eating ask yourself if you like what you are eating. Does it taste good to you? Does it feel good in your mouth, going down and settling in? When you bathe, do you like the method; shower or bath, warm or cold? Ask yourself these questions with everything you do in your life. If you run into hurdles and can’t answer or the answering becomes emotionally painful for you, you may need the help of a professional therapist. Ask if he/she will guide you toward self-love, awareness, mindfulness and boundaries.

Once you are aware of what you like and don’t like, it’s time to start voicing it. “I started listening to myself and have discovered I don’t like this. I’m not going to do it (eat it…) anymore.” There are some limits here. If you have a baby and don’t like getting up in the middle of the night to feed or change him or her, sorry! Some things we must do. If you don’t like your job, I don’t suggest quitting until you find another job you like better if you don’t have any reserves to tide you over until you find a job you like. If you don’t like driving the speed limit, again, sorry! Some things are have-to’s because of morals, laws and positions we have put ourselves in. Beyond those areas, there are a lot of other areas where you have the choice, so exercise your choice in those areas. This self-love action will fill you up to deal with the areas you can’t change because it’s not legal, healthy or wise to change them.

If you have always bailed out your alcoholic brother, it is not wise for you to continue; although your brother will tell you that you are selfish not to help him. He is not a helpless baby. He is an adult who is making unwise choices because of his addiction. It is up to him to decide to deal with it. Not you. You can say no. “I love you. It is not my job to take care of you. You are an adult and it is up to you to go get help. I will help you find an AA meeting, but it’s up to you to make sure you get there and keep going.” (You could go if you want to. Also, you don’t have to help him find the AA meeting. That’s your decision.)

This is just the beginning of your journey toward self-love. Get started on it…it will be the best decision you ever made for yourself (and ultimately everyone around you!).

Categories: Acceptance, Boundaries, co-dependency, Emotional Healing, Growth, Healing, Recovery, Relationships, Self-Help | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What’s Your Wall?

In the world of change, we often hit a wall of sorts. The place where we think, “I can’t do this!” The task or path seems far too difficult and sometimes we quit. There’s a story in the Bible of a man who goes to Jesus and asks him what he needs to do to have eternal life. Jesus tells the man a few things and the man says he’s done them. Then Jesus says, “Sell everything you have and give it to the poor.” The man walked away with sadness because he didn’t think he could do that…he hit his wall.

What is your wall? Is it setting the alarm earlier so you can exercise, have a little quiet time to yourself or be on time? Is it getting off the couch so you can tackle your pile of paper, clean your house, do your laundry or even cook yourself a healthy meal? Is it ridding your life of alcohol, drugs or unhealthy relationships? In order to create change in our lives we have to take that big step at some point in our journey where we do what we need to do in order to live a healthy, balanced, more satisfying life.

The “can’ts” aren’t real by the way. They are just lies that we believe to be truth. Think about your “can’t.” Now ask yourself why you believe it’s true. Challenge the can’t. I can get up early, I can organize my paper piles, I can stop buying unhealthy food. Look at your history. You have overcome obstacles and can’ts to get where you are today. Build on your strengths to move forward and overcome this latest “can’t” and start telling yourself you can!

You will likely need support in your journey. Get involved with a group of people who are tackling their own “can’ts”. You may need the help of a professional trainer, organizer, weight-loss counselor, coach or therapist. There are many resources out there to help you. Maybe the first step will be getting the support you need so you can create change and get over the wall.

Categories: Acceptance, Boundaries, Emotional Healing, Growth, Healing, Recovery, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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