On Thursday I was casually enjoying coffee with a friend. My plan for the day was to take care of a few errands and then head up to Buffalo, WY to enjoy my Birthday and New
Year’s with family there. I got a text from my step-daughter that my granddaughter was super sick and it might be good to put our trip off by a day or two. Plans change. Within an hour, I got another call. This one was from a nurse breaking the news that my daughter, Anna needed to get on a plane and head to Duke Hospital ASAP. Anna had gone to the Dr. for a regular checkup. While there, they discovered her lung function had decreased significantly. After a conversation with her team at Duke it was determined she needed to be treated there. By 5:30p we were on a flight to Raleigh/Durham. After we arrived, Anna was immediately admitted to the hospital. We don’t know exactly what’s going on. The likely culprit is rejection, but we won’t know for sure for a few days.
When I first heard about this I just listened. My next step was to call my husband and let him know. As I talked to him the gravity of it all started to sink in and I started crying. I cried for Anna because she, her dad, stepmom, brother and sister were supposed to leave on Sunday for their first-ever cruise. Anna was extremely excited about it and to hear she couldn’t go left her crying so hard she couldn’t tell me, that’s why the nurse called me. I also cried because I feared the worst: irreversible rejection. That’s where I started sinking. Fearing the unknown.
While sitting on the airplane I realized I was future-tripping. My eyes felt hot and tired and I started crying again. Then it hit me, I have no idea what’s going on with Anna’s lungs. This could all be an over-reaction. It could be minor rejection. It could be devastating rejection where the only solution is another transplant. These are all “could-be’s” none are a reality any human is aware of at this point. So I stopped myself. I said I will deal with reality when I know it. For now, stay with what I know is true and real.
That is what I am doing: staying in the here and now. It’s very freeing. Every time the sneaky future-buggers start yipping about how this might happen or that might happen, I quickly quiet them down with, “There aren’t any answers right now.” It simply requires awareness and intentional thought. Simple, not always easy, but always freeing!
Journey Forward 
Oh sweet friend! My heart goes out to y’all and all my prayers go to Anna and her doctors.
Thank-you for being so transparent Karen, for sharing this personal part of your life/ your family’s life, Anna’s, with us readers. Ever since I got to know you and your family, what you share in your heart felt, truthful and wise posts become more real to me…and I often try to mentally walk in your shoes, so to speak, to see how I would feel and respond insimilar situations you write about. You do an amazing job holding everything all together Karen. It takes a great effort and discipline for me to think in the present and not get swept away thinking too much about the past or future events that ‘might’ happen; both viewpoints often bring unnecessary fear, hurt and regrets i don’t need to dwell upon. I appreciate what you wrote so very much. What you have learned through your career as a counselor and as a wife/mother/friend/fellow traveler on this planet; you graciously share with us.
I will keep Anna and her current/future health concerns in my prayers as she is dealing with so much. I What a remarkable daughter you have❤️ I pray 2018 will be a year of good health, joy/happiness and living in the present for you and your family. God Bless❤️
Thank you for your encouragement! I’m also thankful my words are helpful to you 🙂
Karen, I am praying that you take your own advise and wait and see what’s going on. Praying for Your family, I know you will keep everyone posted on Anna’s progress. How overwhelmed you must feel and sweet Anna. Love and prayers, Candy
Thank you, Candy!