Going Through a Break-Up?

Getting over a break up can be incredibly challenging. We’re used to having that person in our lives, doing things together, talking on the phone, texting…in general being connected. Whatever the reason, when the relationship ends, we have some work to do.

When we don’t want the relationship to end we hang on and get stuck. My picture for this is from Titanic where Rose is holding on to a frozen and very dead Jack. She hears someone calling out searching for survivors. She has to let go of Jack in order to live. It’s the same for you. You will need to acknowledge reality: the relationship is over…it is frozen and dead. You cannot revive it. You cannot make someone be in a relationship with you. How do you let go? Every time you are longing for the person, missing him, wishing she was holding you, remind yourself of reality: The relationship is dead.

Generally when we are missing the relationship, we are focused only on the good parts. When we let go of someone, we have to let go of all of them. Think of it like a circle. So bring in the other half, the reasons you are not together. It wasn’t perfect. No matter what you might be thinking, if the relationship ended something wasn’t working, so bring that into your awareness.

When you are super angry with the other person and are focusing only on the bad, it will help you to bring in the good half. If not, using anger to help you move on is not really moving on, it’s only an attempt at letting go of the bad. Eventually this will come back to bite you in the form of unresolved bitterness and resentment…you’ll still be dragging that dead corpse with you. Letting go of the whole relationship will help. Take time to remember what was good in the relationship.

Now put the two halves together and visualize yourself letting it all go. Every time you are sad or angry, go through this process. The more you do it, the easier it will get over time. This is a grieving process. You are grieving the death of a connection and dreams. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you let go of the entire person and relationship.

Categories: Acceptance, Growth, Recovery, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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